uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
