I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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