i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
