All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
