The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
