If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
