it wasn't lemon gatorade
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You made out with two different species that night
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
