Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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