Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
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Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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