My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
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