Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
