i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
