My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
my being single is dangerous.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.