I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.