Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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