Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?