Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!