3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
