Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???