Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
