He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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