We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
we're making bets on your personal life
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
