i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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