i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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