Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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