Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
