Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
