M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
