I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
how drunk are you?
Several
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
