Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I am in a vortex of obligation.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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