Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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