you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
