so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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