3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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