also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
