I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
