i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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