laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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