Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
