worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize