Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Pooping to opera.
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