i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
