you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
