does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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