Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
