K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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