my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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