Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
