This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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