i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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