come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
