I cannot find my penis.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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