I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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