why didn't you poke me back
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
