haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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