You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
