Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
