I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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