lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
