I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Randomize
