I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
