I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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