last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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