the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
