i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
