dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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