I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
