I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
