Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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