He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
