If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize