i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
