Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Vodka?
Forever.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
