I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
