Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
