You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
