Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
