i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
