How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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