It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
