sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize