Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We left an ass print on the piano.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
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