I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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